Metapost: The Augean Stable of my comments section

One of my li'll buddies.

One of my li’ll buddies.

Writing this blog is rewarding on many levels. But with a steady and significant readership comes a great deal of unwanted attention from the numerous Spambots that litter the digital landscape like K-cups in that viral video. I get a few comments a day from actual readers, and dozens of fake “comments” from the Spamisphere.

All include links that I wouldn’t dare click, even if encased in the Internet equivalent of a Hazmat suit. They purport to offer discount merchandise and other stuff; all I do is spend about twenty minutes a day hitting “Delete.” (I could dump them all en masse, but sometimes an actual comment finds its way into the Spam folder and I try to rescue it.)

The only entertaining part of this little daily annoyance? The fractured Spamlish that is these bots’ native tongue. And here are a few examples.

The vast majority of the Spamments include a single generic sentence:

Nice Blog, thanks for sharing this kind of information.

But the real gems are the faux compliments, designed to stroke the ego of the really stupid blogger. Here’s one, from “Cheat Spider Man”:

Hello my friend! I wish to say that this article is amazing, nice written and include approximately all important infos. I’d like to see extra posts like this .

Thanks for the kind words, Cheat. (May I call you “Cheat”?) I always try to “include approximately all important infos.” Now, from “Miglior Mutuo a Tasso Fisso”:

A material are usually masterwork. you have done an excellent pastime with this subject matter!

Well, Mooch, I’m glad you think my excellent pastime are usually masterwork, but your tenuous grasp of the language makes me doubt the utility of your praise. So let’s turn to “Gerd Diet”:

Excellent post. I used to be checking continuously this weblog and I am inspired!
Extremely helpful info specifically the last section 🙂 I maintain such information much.

Good to know. I hope my readers maintain my information much. As for Spambot “Blair,” I’m near the top of its list:

I thijnk that is onee of the such a lot vital info for me. And i am satisfied reading yur article.

Thanks so much. I appreciate your awareness that I try to provide such a lot vital info. Now, here’s a first-time visitor, “Best Dating Sites”:

What’s up to every body, it’s my first pay a visit of this weblog; this webpage contains amazing and genuinely fine stuff designed for readers.

Yes, my words strung together in sentences are indeed “designed for readers.” Apparently “Best Dating Sites” is a true fan of theVPO because it has left several messages in recent days:

Good response in return of this issue with genuine arguments and explaining everything about that.

I think the admin of this web page is in fact working hard in favor of his web page, because here every stuff is quality based data.

And finally:

What i do not understood is in reality how you are not actually a lot more smartly-appreciated than you may be right now. You’re very intelligent. …Your individual stuffs great. All the time take care of it up!

I couldn’t agree more. I, too, don’t understood how I am not actually a lot more smartly-appreciated. But rest assured, I shall all the time take care of it up.

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