Tag Archives: Bennington Battle Monument

Sorry, But I’m With the Litigious Developer On This One

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Friday afternoon brought us, courtesy of VTDigger, a fascinating story from down Bennington way, where local officials have basically waved the white flag over a proposed solar array north of town, planned by “solar developer and lawyer Thomas Melone.” Melone has been highly litigious in this matter, and numerous cases are pending before the courts. Apparently the town Parental Figures have decided to stop paying lawyers and let Melone have his way.

And you know what? In this case, the litigious plutocrat is the good guy.

I’ll sit back for a moment and let the brickbats fly.

Now, I don’t know the history of the case. But I sure as hell recognize a flaming outbreak of the NIMBYs when I see it, and this is a classic example. The opposition to this development goes to outrageous lengths to make its case. Reading this story made me wonder how in holy Hell we will ever get close to meeting our emissions reductions targets. Which, reminder, are established in state law.

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Tear Down the Big Soggy Schlong

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It’s not that I don’t keep an eye out for the Bennington Battle Monument when I find myself taking the 279 bypass. And yes, “the 306 foot commemorative shaft” has been a feature of the local landscape for 134 years, and we do love us a long-established structure no matter its innate attractiveness or real-world feasibility. And yes, it does commemorate Vermont’s Revolutionary War-adjacent moment of relevance… although I do have to wonder if the second most phallic public structure in the world* (unofficial status) isn’t just a little bit triggering for some passers-by.

*See below.

But the news that the Monument was made of the wrong kind of stone, leaving its signature tumescence in need of restoration to the tune of at least $40 million? (The story appeared on VTDigger over the weekend, more than a month after it was initially reported by the Vermont Daily Chronicle.) It makes me conclude that we shouldn’t bother saving this Gilded Age tribute to toxic masculinity. I say tear the bloody thing down. Find another way to memorialize the battle if you must. Don’t waste tens of millions of dollars on an edifice that manages to combine ugliness with impracticality.

What could be more impractical than a massive outdoor monument constructed of highly absorbent limestone? In a state known for its granite and marble quarries, no less? The result: the ponderous pecker is sodden with an estimated 66,000 gallons of water. Given that fact, I suppose it’s surprising that it hasn’t already drooped over like a “Before” image in a Cialis ad.

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Son Of The VTGOP’s Super Deluxe Trip to the Bennington Battle Monument

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Okay, I screwed up in my most recent post. Surprisingly, my math was okay — but I misread Google Maps. 133 miles is the one-way distance between Burlington and Bennington. A roundtrip is 266 miles.

But my basic point still stands: the Vermont Republicans vastly overstated the impact of a carbon tax on a hypothetical family excursion to the Bennington Battle Monument.

Not to mention that a re-examination of the VTGOP’s fantastical Tweet shows that their exaggeration was even greater than I gave them credit for. They claim that the carbon tax will impose “an additional $236” in costs. Not that the whole trip will cost $236, but that the carbon tax alone will raise the cost by $236. Which is truly ridiculous.

So let’s redo this thing with the correct assumptions, shall we?

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