Oh Canaan, my Canaan. What are you up to now?

The Northeast Kingdom town, best known in these parts as (1) the home of the only public school district that never adopted a mask mandate during the Covid epidemic, (2) the home turf of former education secretary Dan French, and (3) the place where a parent threatened to “kill somebody” if his child encountered a transgender person at school, has just enacted a broad, sweeping ban on loitering — or doing just about anything else not specifically authorized by the town — on public property.

It’s obviously aimed at unhoused people, and it’s almost certainly unconstitutional. The Selectboard itself gave that game away when it inserted a “separability” clause, which anticipates a losing battle in court.

The Vermont ACLU, which has previously reminded other Vermont communities that anti-panhandling ordinances are unconstitutional, seems likely to fulfill the Selectboard’s anticipation. “[The ordinance] does appear to raise a number of constitutional concerns,” wrote ACLU Communications Director Stephanie Gomory in an email.

But wait, there’s more! The Canaan Selectboard has also embarked on a drive to clean up “junky yards,” a concept that’s clearly in the eye of the beholder.

The Selectboard’s last two meetings featured discussion of “Junky Yard Violation Letters,” which have been sent to a number of potential offenders and have been referred to the Essex County Sheriff for enforcement. The August 21 minutes refer to “an anonymous letter from a concerned taxpayer stating they believe another yard classifies as a violation,” which is just great. Now we’re enabling residents to file anonymous (say, how do they know it’s a taxpayer if it was anonymous?) complaints against neighbors. That’ll end well.

This “Junky Yard Violation” thing appears to be a new deployment of a 2005 ordinance aimed specifically at the storage of junk vehicles, appliances, and such. Its intent was “to manage and regulate outdoor storage of junk and junk motor vehicles.” Sounds like town officials have recently adopted a very broad definition of the word “junk” as pretty much anything that somebody finds unsightly. Hypothetically, let’s say a homeowner allowed an unhoused person to camp out in the yard and a neighbor didn’t like it.

So. No loitering, sitting, standing or sleeping on public land, and nothing allowed on private property that’s seen as objectionable. Got it.

This is quite a development for a famously conservative community that saw basic public health measures as an unendurable infringement on personal freedom. The town of Canaan, like other sparsely-populated rural communities, tends to take a very permissive stance on the uses of property. Legal restrictions have been few, and those that exist have been rarely if ever enforced.

Now they’re suddenly clamping down on a wide range of activity on both public land and private. Gee, whatever happened to conservatism?

One more thing. Reportedly, the Selectboard discussed receiving advice from the Vermont League of Cities and Towns regarding the loitering ordinance. Is the VLCT advising communities to enact unconstitutional ordinances against the unhoused? Just asking.