Checking out candidates’ statements on community access TV is usually a formality. You expect to see people reading bland generalities from a script. You don’t expect to see something you’ve never seen before. But that’s just what happened the other day when I watched Lake Champlain Community Access TV’s offering of statements from candidates for the Milton Town School District Board.

And there, second in the rundown, was Ember Nova Quinn, who identifies as queer and uses “they/them” pronouns, pouring their heart out in despair over being made to feel unwelcome — unsafe, even — in their own community, and announcing their withdrawal from public life.

Wow. Just wow.

This is one person’s point of view and shouldn’t be taken as gospel. But it does reflect a very real and very deep divide in Milton politics. Each side accuses the other of bullying, threats, even vandalism. It’s gotten intense in the runup to Town Meeting Day elections, which effectively feature competing “slates” of conservative and liberal candidates.

The conservative hopefuls include someone familiar to VPO readers.

Yup, it’s Allison Duquette, making her third bid for elective office, trying once again to disguise her bigoted views on race and gender beneath a thin veneer of fiscal conservatism. I’ve written about her bid before; her running mates include Steve O’Brien (who, like Duquette, ran and lost for school board last year) and Nathan Steady, son of select board member Brenda Steady, who will make an unflattering appearance later in this post.

Duquette and O’Brien are the core members of a group called Vermont Parents Against Critical Theory, which sounds the alarm about critical race theory, Black Lives Matter, and any hint of leftish or “woke” or LGBTQ+ presence in schools.

Back to Quinn. In the video, they all but abandoned their candidacy. “I’m done,” they said. “I can’t win. Not just this election, it doesn’t really matter. It’s not about this election. I can’t change Milton.” And…

I’m going to stop attending select board meetings, school board meetings, library meetings. I’m not going to go to the library anymore. I’m not going to shop in Milton. I’m going to find another laundromat. …I’ll go into Burlington when I want to hang out with other queer people simply because it’s safer. I’ll not subject my queer friends to Milton.

Chalk one up for the haters. Congratulations.

Necessary caveat: I’m an outside observer. I don’t know the history or the personalities. I can’t say who’s been vandalized or bullied or attacked. I can say what I’ve seen and interpret it based on my own experience. It’s clear that the divisions run deep. Old wounds haven’t healed, and new ones — real or perceived — are being racked up on both sides.

The fault lines were laid bare during the February 5 select board meeting, which was more than three and a half hours long. Quinn was among those who spoke during public comment time, and spoke of Milton’s “reputation problem” due in part to “hateful, unkind, uncaring and discriminatory” social media comments by town residents and officials. They referenced “at least one select board member [who] openly supports two anti-trans candidates for school board.”

If that wasn’t aimed at select board member Brenda Steady, she sure took it that way. She issued a non-apology “if I’ve ever hurt anyone,” actually said “A lot of my friends are gay,” and in the process she misgendered Quinn. Not once, but twice. Steady seemed honestly hurt, began to cry, and left the room for a few minutes.

Later, Lonnie Poland, a non-conservative candidate for school board, lamented Milton’s”divisive” reputation.

Steady, back at the table interrupted Poland. “I just don’t agree. I think Milton is fabulous.”

Poland mentioned Steady’s repeated posts critical of a local bank that put up a sign identifying itself as “an inclusive setting.”

Steady again interrupted: “Because I think everybody is included.”

I’ve seen this a lot when conservatives have to defend their words and actions in an open setting. Many of them are earnest in their beliefs and seem bewildered by newfangled concepts like equity and diversity and genders beyond the traditional two. But earnestness doesn’t make their behavior any less harmful or exclusionary.

I mean, Steady was so offended by a stupid sign that she couldn’t stop griping about it on social media.

Well, it doesn’t take much to get these folks riled up, and they hold onto perceived slights as if they were family heirlooms. “I’m tired of people putting labels on people, restricting their speech, and thinking that their way is the best way,” said town resident Mary Callahan, who is presumably voting for the VPACT ticket. “Let’s not forget that the Inclusion Festival last year was the most non-inclusive gay pride festival that I have ever witnessed.”

Ah, the Inclusion Festival, described on the town’s website: “The Festival celebrates diversity and features multicultural music, dancing, and other forms of art. It also highlights minority-owned businesses and social groups representing our incredible Milton community.”

Yeah, I see how that would be upsetting. Sheesh.

People like Steady and Callahan take anything that’s not straight, white, and traditional as a personal offense. Callahan even repeated the old (and not at all Freudian) line about “forcing this agenda down everyone’s throat.”

C’mon. It was a festival. A celebration. Wasn’t nobody cramming anything down anyone’s throat. Not without consent, anyway.

What they really want is a return to the good old days when “diversity” was kept in the, you know, closet. They don’t want Quinn to be visibly queer. When they misgender Quinn, they’re telling you that queer folk should get back in their binary boxes. They respond to Quinn’s mere presence with anger and threats. I can’t say Quinn’s account is 100% accurate, but I’ve seen this movie before. Way too many times.

See, when you can’t let go of a stupid sign outside a bank or a festival that happened almost a year ago, then you’re being driven by hate and misunderstanding. You’re looking for reasons to be offended. That’s what creates divisiveness. It’s not a sign or a public event. And it’s not Quinn having tattoos and piercings or identifying as queer.

I have a relative who reminds me of Brenda Steady. She is a profoundly decent person with firmly traditional beliefs. She will freely help you out any way she can. She’ll also say hateful things without even realizing they might be hateful. She will blithely accept nonconforming friends or relatives even while condemning the same nonconformity in society at large. (Makes me understand how people who have had abortions or undergone IVF can oppose those things in a broader context without seeing the contradiction.)

But it’s still hateful. And Quinn’s attempt to become a contributing member of the Milton community has become a casualty of the hate. Even if the haters aren’t aware of what they’re doing or are simply reacting to a world they don’t understand, the damage is real and it hurts.

Postscript. You won’t find a whisper of any of this in the local weekly, the Milton Independent. Its coverage of Town Meetings is brief, perfunctory, and as bland as cold oatmeal. I guess reporting on a critical controversy might offend some readers. Failing to do so is a massive disservice to readers and the community at large.

Correction. The original headline of this piece referred to “Milford,” not Milton. Crossed wires, writing late at night. There’s a Milford in my home state of Michigan that’s got similar dynamics — established community facing changes due to a red-hot real estate market in the area. Apologies. Glad I got it right in the article itself.