It’s been a loooong time since I last awarded the Veepies — @thevpo’s honors for exceptional stupidity in our politics. But the end of the year seems to have brought out the stupid in folks, so here we go!

First off, the Any Old Excuse In a Storm Award goes to the fearless folk who wear the uniform of the Vermont State Police. This has to do with their continuing failure to bring Daniel Banyai into custody. They allowed the original arrest warrant to expire. Now, they seem to be in no hurry to act, in spite of the fact that Banyai is defying a court order to turn himself in.

That’s bad enough, but there’s one singular item in VTDigger’s account that spurred the Veepies Board of Trustees to action. VSP spokesperson Adam Silverman helpfully told Digger that Banyai is one of roughly 5,200 people in Vermont with some kind of active warrant. I guess that’s supposed to impress me? But c’mon now, most of those warrants are not at all time-sensitive. Banyai has been defying justice and terrorizing the town of West Pawlet for years, as chronicled in a recent New Yorker piece. He ought to be on top of the VSP’s priority list, and they shouldn’t have the temerity to even suggest that he’s merely one among thousands.

Next, we have the Good Riddance to Bad Silicon Valley Rubbish Award, which goes to the newly-bankrupt Bird Global. Its fleet of rechargeable electric scooters, formerly deployed in Burlington among other places, offered the hope of transforming personal transportation in our cities. Many in the Queen City cheered Bird’s presence and hoped it would long continue. Well, a new piece from Wired Magazine lays bare the real truth behind Bird, and it ain’t pretty.

Turns out the geniuses at Bird really didn’t figure out jack diddly squat about how to actually maintain a functional fleet in the real world. They simply offloaded all the problems onto a bunch of saps who were called “fleet managers” but were really nothing more than independent contractors who ran themselves ragged trying to keep all those scooters in service. As Bird’s financial troubles grew, it repeatedly worsened the terms of its agreement with fleet managers (and cut corners on new scooter design, making them more prone to breakdown) — cutting their share of the proceeds and increasing their expected workload. It’s a horrific story, and it is to be hoped that Bird never sees the light of day again.

Now it’s time for the That Slippery Slope? Turns Out It’s Not Slippery At All and It’s Perfectly Flat Award, which goes to the dead-enders who argued against Vermont’s aid-in-dying law. They tried to sell us on the idea that once you opened the door to the practice, we’d be inundated by Death Tourists and susceptible people like the elderly and those with disabilities would be pressured to end their lives.

Now, as VTDigger informs us, a total of 203 people have sought and qualified to receive life-ending drugs. Reminder here that the law has been in effect for more than ten years. That’s about 20 people per year. That’s roughly .03% of Vermont’s population. Not to mention that it’s unknown how many of those 203 actually used the drugs. Also, all but one of those 203 had severe medical conditions and were, in fact, near death. About three-quarters had terminal cancer. (There was a single case listed as having an “Unknown” illness or condition.) The law has been used as intended: sparingly, in the worst of cases. There’s been no death tourism. There’s been no rush to Soylent Green anybody.

Finally, we have a late entry for the Worst Opinion Piece of the Year Award, which ought to be a thing but which, actually, I just invented. You will not be surprised that the “winner” was published by the steadfastly right-wing Vermont Daily Chronicle, and it was penned by former Republican candidate for attorney general Deb Buckram. This one, succinctly entitled “Barbarians,” is completely bonkers even by her standards.

There’s way too much of Teh Stoopid to itemize here, so I’ll stick mostly to the opening. Bucknam points out that in the year 1800, worldwide life expectancy was only 27 years. She cites no source, naturally. She then points out that today’s life expectancy is all the way up to 73. You might think this was due to advances in medicine, public health, vaccines, the environment, and (in many quarters) much better conditions for workers. But nooooooo, it’s because “the embracing…of the proposition that all of us are created equal, in the image of God; and as individuals, we have certain inalienable rights.”

Yep, that’s right, it’s CONSERVATISM that’s added nearly 50 years to your life. Anyone over 27 should immediately write a thank-you letter to the ghost of Ayn Rand.

With that ultimate example of correlation over causation, Bucknam goes on to assert that a recurrence of “barbarianism,” entirely on the political left, is the singular threat to humanity’s longevity. Her solutions include ending diversity, equity and inclusion and critical race theory programs and returning to The Fundamentals in education.

I’m sure there’s a worse example of Big Thoughtiness in the public sphere, but if there was, I missed it, thank the Lord. I will now leave you with the almost certainly forlorn hope that the new year will be blessedly short of potential nominees for The Veepies. And the people said, “Amen.”