For all their fetishizing of the Constitution, conservatives sure have a funny notion of what the First Amendment means. Take Deb Billado. [Cue Henny Youngman voice] Please, take her!

Billado, the ex-chair of the Vermont Republican Party, is now the CEO of the Vermont Institute for Human Flourishing, a conservative religion-oriented nonprofit that promises to “work to restore the traditional family to its central, pivotal, and honored place in civil society.” The VIHF gets the bulk of its funding from none other than Lenore Broughton, devoted backer of ultraconservative lost causes like the defunct True North Reports and, well, the VTGOP itself.

This fall, the Institute plans to hold its second annual “Restoring Our Faith” summit, which was born out of the notion that the Covid pandemic enabled the secular takeover of society. This year’s Summit will feature discussions on these troubling cultural trends and the critical role of faith, marriage, and the importance of protecting children in a flourishing society. featuring a motley crew of D-list conservative ranters. The announced lineup is a decided step down from last year, when the keynote speaker was the somewhat unobscure Dennis Prager, panjandrum of Prager University, last seen getting approval from the Florida Board of Education for its curriculum materials that, among other things, teaches that slavery wasn’t such a bad thing because slaves learned potentially useful skills and never mind the whipping, sexual assaults, forced separation of families, and, well, that whole being enslaved thing.

More on this year’s “featured” speakers later. The issue before us now is that Billado is in a frenzy because Front Porch Forum apparently rejected an inquiry about advertising the summit to FPF subscribers throughout Vermont.

According to The Williston Observer, FPF rejected the inquiry based on its rigorously enforced Terms of Service, which are designed to keep the forums civil and community-focused. And this, sez Billado, is A VIOLATION OF HER CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS, waah waah waah.

Freedom of speech is a foundational principle of our country and, without explanation, our group is shut down and shut out of reaching our fellow Vermonters with an important message.

Sigh. I guess I have to explain this again. The First Amendment bars the government from infringing on free speech rights. It says so right up front: “Congress shall make no law…” Says nothing about Front Porch Forum or any other non-governmental entity. It is not possible for FPF to infringe on Billado’s free speech rights!

FPF is an independent organization that can set its own policies. If you want to access the platform it has built and maintains, you have to abide by its rules. Which are long and tedious, and designed to ensure FPF’s value as a community resource. FPF does not owe anyone access, and it does not have to explain itself to anyone.

Billado’s complaint was made in a VIHF press release but, strangely, the rejected ad inquiry did not come from her organization but from a D.C.-based lobbying/comms outfit called Sovereign Global Solutions, whose self-described mission is “to promote, support and empower clients who are committed to improving and protecting fundamental human rights and human flourishing to the glory of God.”

Why such a firm is placing ads for a rinky-dink event in Vermont is unknown, but principles and faith notwithstanding, it likely has everything to do with an exchange of cash — probably from the fiscally promiscuous checkbook of Ms. Broughton. Was the firm also responsible for the summit’s resolutely undistinguished panel of speakers? If so, a refund is in order.

Feel free to check out now if you desire no further acquaintance with the depressingly obscure and entirely Prager-free roster of speakers at “Restoring Our Faith II: Electric Boogaloo.”

No one is listed as keynote speaker, doubtless because all nine (oh, Lord, do I have to do all nine?) are beneath such an honor. In no particular order:

Pat Fagan, a returning speaker from last year’s event, is a Catholic professionally devoted to the traditional family headed, of course, by A MAN. His Marriage and Religion Research Institute (MARRI, get it? Huh? Huh?) is devoted to building “networks of fathers and husbands dedicated to raising strong children who in turn will marry a spouse and worship God together for the rest of their lives, men who give their lives in service to their wives, their children, and their God.” Sounds even more tedious than the stereotypical Christian vision of Heaven where we all worship a clearly sociopathic God every single day for all eternity.

Carrie Sheffield, a commentator who used to work for The Hill and Politico, but now toils in the salt mine of Newsmax, ugh.

Mary Rice Hasson, a policy gnome for a right-wing think tank who seeks to equip “parents and faith-based institutions with resources to counter gender ideology and promote the truth about the human person.” So yeah, none of that transgender shit around here.

Francis Maier, who boasts of his role as “senior adviser and special assistant to Archbishop Charles J. Chaput, O.F.M. Cap., for 23 years.” Chaput was known for his ardent opposition to marriage equality and LGBTQ+ rights, and was cashiered as soon as he hit retirement age by noted Communist Pope Francis.

Delano Squires, a fellow at the Heritage Foundation and “contributor to BlazeTV’s Fearless with Jason Whitlock podcast.” If you’re not familiar with the work of Whitlock, a formerly respected sports columnist turned archconservative scold, consider yourself lucky.

Rabbi Meir Soloveichik, the up-and-coming member of an Orthodox Jewish dynasty and author of “The Virtues of Hate,” in which he extols the obligation to hate “the hopelessly wicked.” I imagine the membership list in that category is long and distinguished.

Liel Leibovitz, commentator for Tablet magazine who recently raised a ruckus by co-authoring a column advocating the end of American military aid to Israel because it effectively makes the latter a lapdog of U.S. interests.

Mary Eberstadt, author of “It’s Dangerous to Believe,” a book about how religious people are the real victims, and “Primal Screams,” which argues that the sexual revolution is responsible for a dizzying array of societal ills including high abortion rates, identity politics, family shrinkage, family breakup, and gender confusion.

And finally, Rabbi Ari Lamm, head of Bnai Zion, “a nonprofit producing media and entertainment to spread great Jewish ideas and secure the State of Israel.” In December 2020, as Donald Trump was gearing up for his effort to disrupt the transition of power, Lamm wrote a piece calling for an end to civility in national discourse. Interesting timing, there.

Whew. At least there are no overt Covid deniers in the program, which is a striking change from the 2022 forum. Let’s just hope that the organizers can somehow overcome the death blow of being denied access to Front Porch Forum and equal the “success” of the inaugural event which, from the looks of a YouTube video of Prager’s keynote, must have attracted an audience numbered in the dozens.